AOL in Bad Shape

Please read this funny (spoof) article:

40% of AOL Users Don't Own a Computer

At first I thought this was real, which would have made it the most embarrassing thing that I had ever heard. Here's a great quote from the story:

"I kind of thought it was like subscribing to the yellow pages. We kept getting copies of the phone book, so I thought AOL was doing that. I also wanted the virus protection, because it was flu season."

Just imagine paying a monthly bill for something you've never received, seen, or even understood.

Shelden "Logo"

This is the logo that is on my new merchandise that you can buy here. Otherwise, just enjoy the fact that I made it and it can be bought.

The store is hosted by cafepress.com and called the "Shelden Williams Hater Store."

I'm not sure if everyone will realize the significance of this... you can literally buy a teddy bear, clock, shirt, bag, pillow, button, journal, or even an APRON with this logo on it. If you dislike the guy, check it out!

Cafepress Shop and Shelden Williams

OK, so I just opened a new cafepress.com store. You can just click here if you want to check out the merchandise that I've designed so far. If you want to buy something in my "Shelden Hater" store, then various hats, shirts, buttons, etc. are available with the the sentence, "Please, don't drink when you're pregnant" followed by Shelden William's picture.

I'm having trouble uploading the graphic that is on the merchandise, but I will upload it as soon as blogger.com will let me.

Tents (Keypad)

^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ > ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

A strong gust of wind knocked over Running Bull's tent.


^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ > > > > > >

In a fit of rage, Running Bull decided to knock down the rest of the tents to the east of him.

Toupee (Keypad)

~
____________


Jared knew that he would never recover his toupee once it was flying in the wind.

Snow (Keypad)

* * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * *
* * * * * * * * * *
___________


snow storm
or
a plinko board

New Style - Keypad

I am going to try a new style for a little while where I use computer keys and symbols to express humor via story or abstract concept. For example:


& & &

After ruining three consecutive pretzels, Gary decided to close down his bakery early that day.

My Stolen Bike

Basically, my bike was stolen today. I'm angry. What else can I say?

In more positive news, I saw a show called "Pimprov" last night where a 5 guys pretend to be pimps doing improvisation. It was great - they even took a break in the show and shared champagne with a bunch of people in the audience.

But my bike is still missing.

Quick Update

Emily Brown and I have moved up to Chicago successfully. So far I have done the following:

* Gone to a Cubs game against the Detroit Tigers (got stomped)
* Rode a bike tour of the city with a bunch of British tourists
* Auditioned for a student film that is based on HBO's "Mr. Show"
* Saw a Second City Mainstage show
* Saw some of the dirtiest/worst improv of my life at i.O.'s improv jam

My classes at Second City start tomorrow!

P.S. The United States sucks a fatty at soccer.

Carnival of Comedy

There is this thing called the Carnival of Comedy. I'm not going to explain it to you. But check it out in my sidebar.

By the way, I don't get any revenue or anything if you click the link to Carnival of Comedy, but I do if you click the ads at the very bottom of the page! So I encourage that.

Whatever.

Quote of the Day

"I have yet to puke from throwing up."
- Emily Brown

Shoulda Said

Here is an improv game we played in a show called "Shoulda Said." It's called by David Greenslade and the players are Dave Siegel, Kyle Chorpening, and me.

Dance Dance Pud

I realize I've been posting a lot of movies lately, but this trend is likely to continue as it is remarkably entertaining. This video is a music video of a friend doing ridiculous things while drinking heavily to a gay techno song.

Eggnog Challenge

I just edited this video from last fall when we chugged eggnog and milk to promote a chips event. One place that eggnog should never be is in a beer bong...

The Great Case Race - Pud v. Hunter

Who can drink 24 beers first? It won't be the guy who drank 9 beers, smoked up, and ate a large pizza right before the race.

Circus

I went to the circus because I wanted to see clown. Or a lion. Or an accident.

Gymnastics Is Better When It's Bad

I'll be adding videos when I really enjoy them.

Got It!

Now Google Video is hosting the video clip.

Last Comic Standing - Eating My Organs?

I finally edited a clip from the episode of Last Comic Standing where I look like an idiot. I have set up a link to ZippyVideos.com, but I will try to find a way to present this clip in my blog.

CC Screws Up His Audition

Also, I know I put an extra space between the quotation mark and the "L" in Last. I'll fix that too.

Dating Oprah

In a couple weeks I'm moving to Chicago for the summer. There I will be taking classes in comedy improvisation and will have an abundance of free time. To fill this free time I have made a list of SUMMER CHALLENGES that I will complete before August 15th.

These are the tentative goals:
1. Ask out Oprah on a date (without being snipered).
2. Get on stage with any band during Lollapalooza.
3. Streak somewhere crowded.
4. Bunjee jump.
5. Protest something.
6. Have acupuncture.
7. Have my fortune told and film it.

Specifics shall be added and more goals shall be listed. All the updates on my progress will be on this blogaroo.

Dancing with Cereal

  

The New William Hung... Me

If you happened to watch Last Comic Standing on May 30, you would have seen a lot of funny people on the show. You also would have seen me.

Though I have not yet seen the episode, I have been told my numerous people that I was on the show briefly. It was long enough to tell a joke and then be told that the talent scout would rather eat his own organs that listen to me tell jokes. Ouch.

As soon as I can, I'll post a video clip of the debacle in my blog, so stay tuned...