Joke of the Day

The thing about tennis is: no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless.

Thanks to Mitch Hedberg

Gaining a Few Pounds

Sumo Comic

I will periodically add pictures like this one for a cheap laugh. In this picture, I could not get the top part of my sumo suit to fit over my head. That is why it looks like I am wearing a hood rather than my sumo hair.

Why Read the Rising Comic?

So why does this blog exist and who gives a rat's willy? Basically this blog is going to chronicle my ascension to either stardom or janitorial employment, whichever way it all works out.

Over the next couple years of college I will be doing the following:
* Performing stand-up comedy locally
* Attending and trying to perform at big clubs
* Writing for humor publications
* Performing improvisation comedy
* Filming and acting in comedic shorts
* Working on a less intimidating smile

Basically, I'm taking any opportunities I have to jump into some comedy. This blog will describe my efforts in all of these genres of entertainment and will hopefully provide links to all my published work as well as some pictures and video clips of my performances and comedic shorts.

I hope you will join me as I discover if I have what it takes to succeed in comedy.

What is a Beaner?

I didn't know what a beaner was, but this humorous link seems to explain it. Warning: the main guy in the video on this link is racist.

Beaner Prank

Joke of the Day

I was in the kitchen the other day cooking blueberry pancakes when I saw a fly. That was when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a squashed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like fly-eater.

Thanks to Demetri Martin.

Andy Milonakis Show

Apparently any kind of clown can get a show these days. If you have not seen the Andy Milonakis show, you should sit down sometime and when the show comes on MTV, turn the TV off. Spare yourself from a half hour of miserable jokes that pack in all the humor of autistic kid rattling off statistics. I would rather take tabasco eyedrops than sit through another episode of anti-comedy hosted by a gelatin jiggler.

But my question is this: How did you get your own show, Andy? And by MTV??

Mom's New Painting

My mom bought a new painting for our house today and she loves it. It's called a "barbosa." I think it’s ok except for one major glaring problem – it looks like someone painted his ass green and hopped around butt-naked on a canvas. The painting is supposed to be of a pastoral scene, but is actually of a landscape and a butt-print. Gross.

Later in the day I find my mother turning the knob on our lamp to higher settings. "Look!" she told me. "This painting gets brighter in the light!" Then she turned the lamp to a lower setting and said, "Ooooohhh, this gets darker in the shadows." I am dead serious. This was the most embarassing conversation I have ever had with my mother. The only thing I told her was that the chair does the same thing.

First Post

This is my first post. I am not proud of it because it is not funny. I am just seeing if it works. If you are reading this, you should skip around and read other posts too because this one probably won't give you a very good idea of what this blog is like. Ok, well that's all for now I guess. I'm going to go press my face against a window because it feels greasy and I want to see what the grease will look like on glass. Come back!

Your loving comic